I had my first ever mammogram yesterday. Usually women don't start having these until they are 40 years old, but much to my joy, I get to start now because of the high amount of steroids I am on. So, I will now be writing of my anatomy and such. If this will make you queasy, you have my permission to leave now. If not, read on at your own peril.
Since the transplant my booobage has grown about four cup sizes. No, I am not kidding. They went from looking like deflated balloons to their current state of, well, ginormous. Of course, the rest of my body has suffered the same fate. Since I can not work out like a pro-wrestler, that is one of the things I am having to deal with because of the high amount of steroids I am on. Weight gain that is beyond my control. There are a lot of internal issues I am having with the weight gain. Obviously, I hate having my picture taken, I am nervous and scared whenever I see someone (family, friends, doctors, it doesn't matter) because I always think they are judging me based on my weight. Dave and I KNOW I don't eat enough to warrant my very voluptuous figure, but it does bother me. I have to keep reminding myself of two things: 1) My husband thinks I am beautiful no matter what and 2) I would rather be fat than dead, which I almost was when I was skinny.
I could write for hours on end about my body image issues, but I think that is enough of a peek into my mind on that for now.
Back to the Mammogram. As I was saying, since my bazoombas have grown so much in so little time, they are naturally a little tender. Today, they feel like someone squeezed them in a vice between plexi-glass and metal as flat as they would go, and repeated that process six times. Oh wait. That's exactly what they did. Listen, I know that it's a good thing to get tested and now that it's over, I'm certainly glad I did, but let me tell you. That shit hurts. (I thought about it, and I'm not editing out that word. It's the truth.)
So after my Mammogram, I was off to get a Dexa-scan to test my bone density. It was NOT good the last time it was tested, but since I have been on the Non-Sally Field osteoporosis medicine and Caltrate for over a year, we'll see if my old bones have improved. Comparatively, this scan was an absolute walk in the park. Lay down and talk to the nice nurse while the big bar thing goes down over your body. I totally handled that part well. Yay me!
Tomorrow I have my appointment with the liver doctor. While I'm sure everything is fine since my blood work has been coming back okay (I'm assuming since we still haven't heard otherwise) I am still very nervous and anxious about the appointment tomorrow. Yes, despite everything I've been through and all the wonderful medical professionals I've seen, and who have saved my life, I am still scared to death of the doctor. I do believe that this is why they invented Valium, but I don't have any in my possession.
In other news, Dave leaves in one week (so again, I REALLY need my Doctor's appointment and tests to be uneventful) and Natalie is home sick today with an awful cough. I stole a little time to write a post about the whole Mammogram Crap so I can look back and remember that while it hurt, it was over pretty quickly the next time I have to go have my breastesses squeezed to death by a very friendly nurse.