Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Mammogram & Bone Denisty Scan? Check.

I had my first ever mammogram yesterday. Usually women don't start having these until they are 40 years old, but much to my joy, I get to start now because of the high amount of steroids I am on. So, I will now be writing of my anatomy and such. If this will make you queasy, you have my permission to leave now. If not, read on at your own peril.

Since the transplant my booobage has grown about four cup sizes. No, I am not kidding. They went from looking like deflated balloons to their current state of, well, ginormous. Of course, the rest of my body has suffered the same fate. Since I can not work out like a pro-wrestler, that is one of the things I am having to deal with because of the high amount of steroids I am on. Weight gain that is beyond my control. There are a lot of internal issues I am having with the weight gain. Obviously, I hate having my picture taken, I am nervous and scared whenever I see someone (family, friends, doctors, it doesn't matter) because I always think they are judging me based on my weight. Dave and I KNOW I don't eat enough to warrant my very voluptuous figure, but it does bother me. I have to keep reminding myself of two things: 1) My husband thinks I am beautiful no matter what and 2) I would rather be fat than dead, which I almost was when I was skinny.

I could write for hours on end about my body image issues, but I think that is enough of a peek into my mind on that for now.

Back to the Mammogram. As I was saying, since my bazoombas have grown so much in so little time, they are naturally a little tender. Today, they feel like someone squeezed them in a vice between plexi-glass and metal as flat as they would go, and repeated that process six times. Oh wait. That's exactly what they did. Listen, I know that it's a good thing to get tested and now that it's over, I'm certainly glad I did, but let me tell you. That shit hurts. (I thought about it, and I'm not editing out that word. It's the truth.)

So after my Mammogram, I was off to get a Dexa-scan to test my bone density. It was NOT good the last time it was tested, but since I have been on the Non-Sally Field osteoporosis medicine and Caltrate for over a year, we'll see if my old bones have improved. Comparatively, this scan was an absolute walk in the park. Lay down and talk to the nice nurse while the big bar thing goes down over your body. I totally handled that part well. Yay me!

Tomorrow I have my appointment with the liver doctor. While I'm sure everything is fine since my blood work has been coming back okay (I'm assuming since we still haven't heard otherwise) I am still very nervous and anxious about the appointment tomorrow. Yes, despite everything I've been through and all the wonderful medical professionals I've seen, and who have saved my life, I am still scared to death of the doctor. I do believe that this is why they invented Valium, but I don't have any in my possession.

In other news, Dave leaves in one week (so again, I REALLY need my Doctor's appointment and tests to be uneventful) and Natalie is home sick today with an awful cough. I stole a little time to write a post about the whole Mammogram Crap so I can look back and remember that while it hurt, it was over pretty quickly the next time I have to go have my breastesses squeezed to death by a very friendly nurse.


  1. Sally1:02 PM

    Sorry Natalie is sick and glad you are having your appointments.

  2. 4 cup sizes?!?! You put this pregnant girl to shame! LOL.

    And even though those might be nice, the rest of it isn't. Including the body image. I can certainly relate. Especially now.

    I really hope the tests come back great and you have a wonderful week with Dave. Hope Natalie feels better!

  3. I myself would love to have you fat and alive than skinny and dead but call me selfish! And I am glad you did these while the good ol man was around... that is very helpful to you...

  4. I can understand what you are going through...not from my first hand experience but becuz my Mom (who has Systemic Lupus) was on a TON of steroids during my childhood and I remember how much she blew up in weight and how horrible it made her feel. :-( I still thought she was beautiful though. :-)

  5. Anonymous6:44 PM

    Mamograms are a new experience aren't they! I've been real lucky and never had any pain but then you are probably more sensitive because of the bloating. Yes David has always said you are beautiful and so have I. But the most improtant thing is that you are beautiful inside AND out, that's what makes you so special to all of us. And as stated we just want you here, apprearances are nothing compared to what we thought we were going to have a year and half ago. The bone density thing is tricky but they will get to the bottom of that just get to your appointments and they will do the rest. Take care of yourself and take it a day at a time. We love you!~Peggy~